So, I just came back from the theatre, watching the old Transformers rough it up on the silver screen with their new movie. Unfortunately I had to sit beside a little shit who really deserved have his head driven into the seat in front of him, and I was just about ready to do it. What the fuck is a little kid (somewhere between 4 and 8) doing in Transformers anyway?! There’s no chance in hell he is old enough to remember any of the Transformers sagas, let alone the one the movie is based off of. And with the amount of violence, and subject matter in the movie they shouldn’t have let him in anyway. That, and there should be an age restriction on little children going to movies, but I’ll save that for a later post.
If that child is not subjected to one of Granite’s sentences, you know the ones for voting in one of those stupid SSB:B characters, at some point in his life there will be no justice in this world. Anyway, despite having a shitty seat, a sot-nosed little shit, and a packed theatre: the movie was pretty good.
Minor spoilers ahead.
I immediately groaned when I witnessed the opening scene. The U.S.A military base in the Middle East reminded me of Spielberg’s War of the Worlds, in which the United States military was made out to be an unstoppable, alien destroying super power that saves the day every time. It was not appropriate in War of the World’s and would certainly not go down with Transformers, the Autobots are supposed to bring the hurt to the Descepticons. My heart lightened as Blackout came riding in, out of the desert, and wiped out the military base in minutes. Scorpinok made short work of some of the survivors, but after the fight with Scorpinok, they seemed to focus in on how we, the United States military, rock. And will find a way to destroy these mega-super-awesome robots. Because we’re so cool! But it worked out in the end, as the military served as great cannon fodder for such awesome Desepticons as Starscream, Megatron, and Devastator, who happened to be a badass, modified M1 Abrams. Bitchin’.
The Special Effects were absolutely stunning. Not quite as impressive as Jurassic Park was when it first devastated the movie industry, but certainly leaps and bounds past what other movies have managed to achieve. When you watch the movie you will not see any flaws in the robots, their fluid transformations, or the fight scenes. They are done perfectly, and in a way that I’m not even sure if it was all CGI, or is they actually used models for the scenes. Or perhaps they found the real Transformers and decided that they could make a movie with them, which seems like a very real possibility as well.
The plot was…well…unimportant. I came to see giant fucking robots beat the crap out of each other, and that’s just what I got! The plot was decent for a Transformers movie, and wasn’t so mind-boggingly stupid that it ruined the movie, but it was pretty good, and made sure that there was plenty of close-combat action. If you can shake off the stench of United States superiority than this is definitely an awesome movie, and a great way to see those robots that are more than meets the eyes one more time.
That’s all I have to say about that.
4 comments:
I thought the Transformers movie was really bad.
SPOILERS
The first half of it was entirely meaningless (considering the quest for Witwicky's glasses was stupid, since the government knew where the Allspark was, and they showed it to Sam Witwicky anyway).
The inclusion of the American military component was bogus, and should have never occured. As a result of the military inclusion, there was far less fighting between Transformers. I mean, really, what happened to Ratchet and Ironhide in that final battle? They were sort of attacking the tank guy, and then they disappeared for the rest of the battle. Optimus fights Megatron. And the American military take down of Blackout was pitiful.
None of that should have happened.
Also, how many innocent people died while the Transformers were fighting? Protecting humans? They probably killed 1000, if not more, throughout that entire movie. Destroying buildings, rolling over highways...
But beyond major story issues, I have to say that the camera work was notoriously bad as well. It was too all over the place, making battles difficult to follow.
If they were going to do it right, they should have had the camera shooting fights from the perspective of someone on the ground (like that shot from a car when Optimus fought Bonecrusher, although even it could have been better) or from far back enough that you can clearly see the robots fighting.
In my opinion, the only good parts in this movie were the two Prime monologues (Monologue 1: Freedom is the right of all sentient beings and Monologue 2: Like us, there is more to them than meets the eye.)
Oh yeah, and the part where Ratchet said "The boy's pheramone levels suggests he wants to mate with the female." was funny too.
Otherwise, the movie sucked.
"The first half of it was entirely meaningless"
I also thought that the Autobots/Decepticons could have just used the picture of the glasses to find the coordinates, couldn't they? So, yeah, I guess that was really dumb.
"As a result of the military inclusion, there was far less fighting between Transformers."
Agreed. Although when Starscream took down the American Jets, and when Blackout destroyed their stuff at the beginning it was good. They were just targets for the Decepticons, but then after Scorpinok, they were like "We've found a way to fight them. Because we're so cool" I guess American movie-makers just can’t help themselves.
As for the close-up fights, I had an issue with that too. Although I was sitting at the front row, so I wasn't sure if it that was the problem or not, I guess others had the same problem as me with that.
Yeah, you do make a lot of good points. It could have been a lot better. When Bumble-Bee and Barricade had the car-chase, I thought that was totally awesome. That should have gone on for longer, and there should have been more focus on their fight.
More Transformers, less humans is what that movie needed. Although that doesn’t stop me from enjoying it.
I plan on seeing the movie... and once I do I will read your blog post :)
AAAaah, saw the movie tonight with Andrew.
Overall, I enjoyed it.
SPOILERS
I thought that the first half had a good sense of humor. I rather enjoyed it.
The second half was impossible to follow - the camera shook around a LOT, and you were trying to keep track of a dozen mostly-silver robots who could also change and look completely identical to other vehicles. I would have enjoyed the fighting... I just wish I had some idea of what was going on.
One thing I really didn't get, though - a Nokia cell phone has a machine gun and a rocket launcher, but the big giant killer machines can ONLY kill humans with distance weapons - to fight each other, they must fight in hand-to-hand combat.
Also, the reason that there's always this pro-american-army crap is because often times the american military will do its thing for cheap or even free, so long as the movie will make them look good. You can save millions of dollars this way. Also, I think, "America ROCKS!!!!!!1111oneoneone!!!" actually sells in some places
Post a Comment